


It's Phandalin!

by Mabel_Quartz



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: AU, Also Sazed is an emotionally abusive jerk, Multi, warning for that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2019-05-20 07:08:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14889917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mabel_Quartz/pseuds/Mabel_Quartz
Summary: Trying to open your own restaurant in the city is never easy, especially when you're trying to claw your way up from nothing. Having a super handsome grim reaper thrown into the mix certainly doesn't help matters any.Taako and Lup are disaster roommates (though this is nothing new). Barry is the world's sweetest coworker. Magnus and Julia are the cutest newlyweds ever. Merle is the world's chillest neighbor/casual pot dealer. And something sinister is bubbling below the surface.





	1. Day 1 of What Will Eventually Be Known As 'This Nonsense'

Phandalin, in its golden days, had been a mining town. The magical ores that countless miners had tirelessly unearthed through the years fed into the town’s riches; towering, glimmering buildings, bustling markets, clothes of silk and satin in pastel painted shop windows…but that had been before the raids. Magic was as competitive and bloody a market as one could imagine. 

Phandalin still had its snazzier areas, sure, but those hardly balanced out the subways dripping with Gods-know-what, the broken sidewalks, the “closed” markings seared into countless businesses’ doors, the magic duels in the streets…it was nuttier than a straight dude’s dating profile pics sometimes.

While parts of the city were less than gleaming, it could still be reasoned that these were the most colorful parts of town. The graffiti on the train stations and bridges and alleyways were eyesores to some, but if you really looked at them…man! There were some artistic vandals out and about! And the music played on the street corners by the bards looking to make some gold was enough to get anyone’s toes tapping. It was this music that Kravitz was sauntering along to as he walked along one particularly uneven sidewalk in Phandalin. 

11:48 p.m., February 20th 

If you had asked Kravitz if he loved his job, he probably would have shrugged. Maybe lay his hand flat and tilt it back in forth in a so-so motion. If you’d asked him if he even liked his job, he probably would have shrugged again, but with a little more feeling this time. It wasn’t a career that he’d had much of a choice in, but it was his nonetheless. If he was being perfectly honest, he much rather would have been a conductor. But a job is a job is a job, and his job just happened to be collecting souls. It wasn’t pretty, but there were a lot of ugly jobs in this world. On this crisp, bone-chilling night, Kravitz was on the clock, and he whistled as he worked. He had a bounty to collect in this city, and there was a possibility this could get…interesting. Liches didn’t come around that often (thank the Raven Queen), but when they did, they were a force to be reckoned with. Magical, powerful, effectively immortal, and most importantly, batshit insane. And the fact there there were two of them in one city was troubling; they typically got pretty territorial. So as Kravitz walked along, the spring in his step was only due to the violinist on the street corner, and not to any lightness of heart. He was on edge, and rightfully so. 

The street was bustling with magically-powered locomotives and horse-drawn carriages alike, the two different types of transportation somehow coexisting without any traffic problems. Ahead of Kravitz, on the sidewalk, two elves were walking hand-in-hand, and as he passed them, one of them said something in German that he didn’t quite make out. Looking down at his notes, then back up again at the buildings he was passing, he figured he was on the right track. As he locked sights on a pawn shop, he smiled. He’d found his target; the building was small, with glimmering golden letters above the door: “Wonderland”. All he needed to do was go in, do business, and go home early for a cup of hot tea and a good book. It was when he began to stride towards the entrance, however, that he heard them: the sounds of violence. They were coming from the alleyway between Wonderland and the potion shop next door. They were there, faintly, under the sounds of the city; someone was getting thrown about, was getting blows dealt to them, and by the sounds of it, was more than a little helpless. Forgetting his mission for a moment, Kravitz walked hesitantly towards the alleyway, and was almost immediately greeted with a sight that caused his heart, though it wasn’t beating (and hadn’t been in a long, long time) twist in his chest. Someone was, indeed, getting the absolute daylights beaten out of them.

10:23 p.m., February 20th (One hour and twenty-five minutes earlier)

If you’d asked Taako if he loved his job, he would have thrown his head back, laughed airily, and replied, “Are you kidding? Darling, my work is my life. Loving it is like breathing.” Then he most likely would have given you a flyer, or two, or three, and told you with dazzlingly bright eyes to look forward to “Sizzlin’ It Up”, a soon-to-be hub of activity in on the corner of Binicorn Ave and 9th. You couldn’t blame him too much for the excitement, though; Taako Taaco, high elven wizard, was on top of the world. He had finally, finally gotten the money to purchase the building that was going to become his very own restaurant, he and his sister had just upgraded their apartment from “shitty” to “shitty—but with sparkles this time”, and two of his dearest friends had just gotten married (he would deny it until the day he died, but he cried like a baby at their wedding). 

He was thinking about how uncharacteristically wonderful a state his life was in as he rode one of the city’s limo-length carriages back from the bougie little cafe where he currently served as a chef, to the scary part of town where he currently resided, and had been residing for nearly a decade; which, granted, wasn’t too terribly long to an elf. He was set to meet up with the happy newlyweds, Magnus and Julia, for lunch tomorrow, and he was looking forward to it. He wondered how soon a pregnancy announcement was to follow; the two lovebirds wanted to be parents more than anything, Taako knew, so it was inevitable. Despite his aloof persona, Taako was over the moon with joy for them; and hey, with enough persuasion, he could maybe tempt them enough to name a hypothetical future child after him—or maybe just as their middle name. 

 

A jolt from the carriage interrupted his train of thought, and he swore softly under his breath as he wobbled on the platform shoes he’d foolishly chosen to wear today (he liked to be tall). 

“What’s going on?” he asked, turning to the woman sitting in the seat closest to where he was sitting. She squinted hostilely at him and shrugged emphatically. Turning his head away to look back out the window, Taako saw what was holding up traffic. “Hachi machi!”

There was a wizard duel going on on the sidewalk, and the other carriages in front of them had stopped to watch. Pink and blue and green sparks were flying from all directions, and Taako couldn’t quite tell in the shower of magic, but it seemed like there were more than two people involved. The previously only half-awake passengers on Taako’s carriage now flocked to one side of the vehicle to view the skirmish, and Taako pulled a bag of chips out of his purse. What was a show without something to munch on? The fight was attracting a crowd of onlookers outside the carriage as well, and in the light of the battle, Taako could see that one of those onlookers was wearing a uniform.

“Hey! You three, stop!” she yelled authoritatively. She was a halfling woman, smaller than most of the spectators, but she was using it to her advantage. She weaved through the crowd with ease, reaching the front of the crowd in a matter of seconds. “I said stop!”

In a flash of light, she was thrown against the carriage, a full ten feet away. It rocked a little as she made contact, and its passengers screamed, Taako included.

 

“Oh, hell no.” Taako asserted loudly. “Hell no hell no hell no.” Grabbing his bag, he hurried down the steps and onto the street. He looked at the halfling officer, slumped against the carriage and blinking dazedly. “Hey, you okay?”

She took a deep breath and nodded, making an obvious effort to get her vision to focus. 

“I-I think so. I…ah.” She tilted her head and her neck made a ‘pop’ sound. Taako winced. “Yeah, I’m all good.” she asserted cheerfully.

He bent and helped her up. As soon as she was on her feet, it was back to the crowd with twice as much vigor as before. Taako admired that; but rushing into things was the exact opposite of how he went through life. So with a quick turn, he walked away from the entire scene, because things were starting to get raw as hell; he could hear the sirens coming. He would rather walk home than get back on the carriage that was going to be sitting still for the unforeseeable future. As Taako’s shoes clacked a little too loudly on the cobblestones in the direction of home, it began to rain. Natch. 

It was a dark night, the kind that the flame of the street lamps didn’t permeate quite fully. As the rain came down in all its glorious inconvenience, passerby on the streets began pulling out umbrellas, some ducking into nearby buildings for a safe haven instead. Taako kept walking, however, watching the rain drip from the brim of his hat. The light of the shop windows lit the way, and as he shivered in the rain, he had to remind himself that he was less than ten minutes away from his apartment. A sudden gust of wind blew his hat off, and with a loud swear, Taako chased it down as it danced down the sidewalk, opposite of the way he’d been walking. Before it could blow any farther, a man who had been walking behind him, one of the only other people still out on the street, yanked it from the air, handing it to him.

“Thanks, my man.” Taako said as he placed the hat back on his head. The man nodded.

“No problem.”

Taako continued his walk back to the apartment, following cobblestone twists and turns, cutting through damp, dark alleyways. About five minutes away from his apartment, his hat blew off again; this time, he was too quick for it. 

“Ha!” he exclaimed as whipped around, grabbing the hat from the air. He felt a chill go up his spine as he saw who was about ten feet behind him on the sidewalk. The same man who had caught his hat before was still following him, his eyes locked onto him as he walked. Taako felt himself stiffen, and with a quick turn, continued walking, a bit quicker this time. After all those twists and turns, why would that man still be following him? He wanted to say it was just a coincidence, that he was being paranoid, that maybe the man just lived nearby! But a childhood of mistrust and needing to be paranoid told him otherwise, and he felt his hand slide into his pocket to grasp his wand. As his footsteps quickened, he could hear the footsteps behind him quicken as well. He was so close, he could see the apartment building in the distance. He was passing Paloma’s Bakery, he was about to pass Wonderland Pawn Shop—

He was shoved into the alleyway faster than he could pull out his wand. 

The feeling of the back of his head hitting the pavement sent a shockwave of pain through his body. Through his suddenly blurred vision, he could see the man above him. Taako opened his mouth to gasp, but no air came out, just a strangled noise that sounded a little like betrayal as his attacker’s boot made contact with his side. 

“Shut up! Don’t make any noise! Just give me your gold!” a gruff voice barked out. Taako was gasping, trying to sit up. His attacker’s boot slammed into his chest. “I said give me your gold!”

Taako struggled to speak, nodding frantically. “Let—Let me—“ He was clawing for his bag. “I’ll get—let me get—“ 

The man snatched the bag out of the elf’s shaking hands and ripped it open.

“Hey, there’s barely a fuckin’ thing in here!”

Taako cast Acid Splash. He cast it with more desperation and fury than he’d cast anything since he was very, very young. And almost as if someone, somewhere, completely botched a dice roll, his Acid Splash missed his attacker completely. 

“What did you just try to hit me with?” the man snarled, throwing Taako’s bag down. “What the fuck did you just try to do, huh?!” He was grabbing Taako by the front of his shirt, yanking him to his feet roughly. “Oh, now you’ve done it. I didn’t wanna do this, but now you’ve made me—“

“Don’t!” Taako was squirming desperately in the man’s brutally tight grasp. “M-My sister!”

The man actually paused for once, confused. “Your…what?” 

“My sister…” Taako choked out. “I’m—I’m the only family she’s got. Please…I don’t say that often, but please, please don’t take me from her…we’re all we’ve got…” The tears in his eyes were mostly from pain, but they worked perfectly for the moment. 

His attacker’s expression softened into something almost sympathetic. 

“Aw, buddy, that’s so sweet…but I really don’t give a rat’s ass.” His fist slammed into Taako’s stomach, drawing another pained groan from the elf. Stars exploded behind his eyes as he felt the air leave his lungs again, and his thoughts scrambled. Was this seriously it? This was such a lame fucking way to die! A knee slammed into his chest. 

Over the sound of the attack, Taako heard someone clear their throat.

12:00 a.m., February 21st

This was not Kravitz’s job. This was actually quite the opposite of Kravitz’s job. 

He’d only really had two encounters remotely similar to this. 

The first had taken place most likely before this elf’s parents had even been born. Kravitz had come to collect a necromancer’s soul, only to find that necromancer passed out on the floor by his wife’s bed; said wife was in the process of giving birth. Kravitz, in his panic, had fetched a doctor and, in the end, forgotten to collect the necromancer’s soul at all. He figured he’d write that one down as a lost cause and move on—he’d had enough for that day. The second encounter, the necromancer was already dying of an illness, and things just got…kind of awkward after that. 

But this was new. This elf was, by all accounts, most likely completely uninvolved with this entire case. The last time Kravitz had really interacted with someone uninvolved with his work had been…well…he couldn’t really remember at the moment. What mattered at the moment was that this seemingly innocent elf was getting the snot kicked out of him, and Kravitz was just standing there like a complete tool, dumbfounded and rooted to the sidewalk like a suit-clad, incredibly attractive plant. It was his job to bring wayward souls to their destination, bringing those who tampered with the laws of life and death to justice; it was certainly not keeping souls tethered to their mortal coil. But really…could the Raven Queen fault him if he took a few minutes to do some good? 

He cleared his throat. The towering man who was currently pummeling the elf into the pavement whipped his head to face him. He turned to the side and spit.

“Erm.” Dammit, Kravitz had wanted to sound cooler. “S-Stop that!” 

The attacker raised an eyebrow at him. “How’s about you mind your own business, bud?”

Kravitz stood taller, producing his scythe from thin air, his eyes turning red, the flesh on his face seemingly melting away to reveal the skull underneath. 

“In the name of the Raven Queen, I’m gonna have to demand you unhand him, mate.” 

The elf’s knees hit the pavement as the thug dropped him, eyes widening. 

“Oh, not so tough now, huh?” Kravitz’s accent was full cockney now. “If I were you, which I’m glad I’m not, I’d let him alone now, yeah?” 

The once smug and aggressive man nodded wordlessly, suddenly looking much smaller, before turning on his heels and making a hasty retreat. Kravitz hummed in approval, before turning to the shaken man on the ground. “Oi, are you okay?” 

“Am I about to die?” The question was lacking in fear. It simply sounded…blunt. A little curious. It was a vulnerable question simply seeking a quick answer. 

“Wh-What? Why would you think that?”

“There’s a skeleton in a three-piece suit standing over me? I don’t—I don’t know how else to interpret this situation.” 

“Oh?” Kravitz remembered what form he was currently taking. “OH! Oh my gods, I’m so sorry, hang on.” His living—or at least, living-appearing—form returned to him, all dark skin and dark eyes and dark dreads with raven feathers tied into them. The elf’s eyes widened. 

“Hachi machi. I think I’ve definitely died.”


	2. Pottery, Wine, and the Almost Search Party

12:05 a.m., February 21st 

 

So he had a black eye. And his lip was busted to hell. And his body was painted with bruises. And one of his teeth was possibly chipped. But nothing seemed to be broken, and that was what mattered. Blinking dazedly, he picked his hat up off the ground beside him, where it had been knocked off. 

 

The tall, dark, handsome stranger helped him to his feet and dusted him off, looking incredibly anxious for someone who radiated so much professional and cooly confident energy. 

 

“Are you okay? Do you need me to take you to the hospital?”

 

“The hospital? Gods no, I hate that place.” Taako tilted his head, and his neck popped. The stranger winced. “I’ve taken worse beatings, I’ll be fine. Besides, I’ve got a buddy who’s a healer. Sorta.” 

 

“O-Oh? Are you sure?”

 

“Yeah, my man. Don’t sweat it,” he patted the man on the shoulder, simultaneously using him as a support as he attempted to hobble on his now only useful ankle. “Would you mind if I, uh, got your name? I wanna thank you properly for saving my life.” 

 

The stranger looked a little flustered. “I’m Kravitz. A-And I wouldn’t say I saved your life, I just…helped out a bit.” He started, suddenly. “Shit! I let him get away! I told him to scram, I didn’t even follow him!” He turned sharply in the direction the attacker fled, obviously ready to run, but Taako grabbed him by the shoulder.

 

“Whoa, hey! Assholes like him get away all the time. He’ll just get caught some other time,” he looked his handsome savior up and down. “Though I sort of doubt he’ll be doing that again after seeing a skeleton threaten to tear him a new one over it. You wanna, uh…wanna explain that little tick? Or are we not well-acquainted enough?” He paused, and raised an eyebrow. “Is it a kink thing?” 

 

“Wha—How would it be a kink thing?!” Kravitz spluttered. Taako laughed, probably harder than appropriate. 

 

“I’m just fucking with you, bone-daddy, calm down,” he wiped a tear of mirth from his eye. “But for real, why are you all boney?”

 

“Well, I’m…” he took a deep breath, looking away as he searched for the right words. “It’s just…it’s not important.”

 

Taako squinted at him for a long time, then shrugged. “Y’know what, I’m not one to judge. And you just saved my life, so,” he began to limp out of the alley, Kravitz on his tail, attempting to act as a crutch. “That definitely gets you brownie points in my book. Ugh,” he stumbled, and Kravitz grabbed him. “How about, uh…how about we go do something together? There’s this new pottery place I’ve heard of not too far from here. You can maybe explain stuff better, then.”

 

“Are you sure you’re up for that right now? Physically?” 

 

Taako waved him off. “C’mon, let’s just go! It’ll be fun! Just like a…a one-on-one.”

 

Kravitz blinked in surprise. Then he smiled softly, against his will. “I’d like that.”

 

The Chug n’ Squeeze was a ~classy establishment~. Which, to Taako, meant there was wine. 

 

“Are you sure about paying? You literally just got the snot beaten out of you, it doesn’t feel quite fair of me—“

 

“Chill, bone-daddy.”

 

“Why do you keep calling me that?”

 

“Pay day was today. It’s the least I could do.” 

Kravitz sighed, then smiled. “If you’re sure.” 

 

“I’m always sure.” Taako took a seat at the nearest table without asking anyone working there, gesturing to the chair next to him. “C’mon, let’s talk.” 

 

Taako and Kravitz actually had a lot in common, it turned out. Both of them had a taste for the finer things, though Taako absolutely could not afford them. Both of them appreciated music and fashion. Taako told him all about his sister, and their apartment together. Kravitz told him about his boss, while remaining a bit vague.

 

“So, your boss. What’s she the boss of?” Taako asked casually while he molded the clay in front of him. 

 

“Uh…y’know. Just…the boss.”

 

“Mm-hmm. What do you do as a job?” 

 

“It’s…” Kravitz took a sip of his wine. “…complicated.”

 

“I get complicated.” Taako glanced him over. “I understand it, I mean. You can lay it on me.” He picked up his own glass of wine and took a sip, leaving wet clay on the glass’s stem. 

 

Kravitz laughed a little in disbelief. “We’ve barely known each other an hour!”

 

“And already you’ve saved my life!” Taako quipped back. Kravitz sighed, conceding to his unlikely—companion’s? Date’s?—point. 

 

“That’s fair, I suppose…” Kravitz sighed. “I’m a…bounty hunter. I hunt down people who are…wanted.”

 

Taako’s eyes widened. “By the law?”

 

“Er…in a way, yes.” 

 

“Sick.” Taako nodded, as if he’d just heard that Kravitz did something like teach. “Sick as fuck.”

 

“I suppose…I mean, it’s not exactly what I said I wanted to do in fantasy kindergarten.”

 

“Heh. I mean, you probably didn’t know it was an option back then, yeah?”

 

“Again, I suppose…what do you do?”

 

Taako smiled. “Oh! I’m a chef at this little restaurant in town. But, uh, lately I’ve been getting my own place off the ground. I’ve been saving up for years, and I’ve finally got enough…it’s gonna be hella. I’m gonna name it ‘Sizzlin’ It Up! With Taako’. Or just “Sizzlin It Up!’. I haven’t quite decided. My sister Lup says I should go all-in and go with the first name included, but we’ll see.” 

 

“Interesting…” Kravitz took another long sip of his wine, continuing to look at Taako as he did; the elf was almost unbearably pretty, even with his black eye and bloody nose and busted lip. Kravitz mentally gave himself a slap on the wrist for allowing himself to stray from his professional mission this way. Taako, unaware of what he was doing to Kravitz, shot him another gap-toothed smile, and Kravitz smiled back helplessly. 

 

It had already been a long night. And it was going to continue to be a long night, in a very good way. 

 

1:38 a.m., February 21st 

 

Lup Taaco was not the type to freak out. She was the type to get angry, and get loud, and sometimes get very very impassioned. Freaking out was her friend Barry’s job.

 

But by all accounts, in this moment, Lup Taaco was freaking the fuck out. 

 

And it’s not like she wanted to be freaking out. She and her brother were grown-ass adults now, the world shouldn’t still be so scary all the time. And in a lot of ways, it wasn’t. As children, the two of them had needed to depend on adults, just as every child does. But as much as they needed to depend on somebody, there were no adults that made themselves dependable to the two young elves. Adults came in three categories for Lup and Taako as they were growing up: Helpful, unhelpful, and harmful. For the two of them, almost all of the adults they ran across fell into the latter two categories. The only adult they’d ever truly been able to rely on had been their aunt, and their stay with her was short; it was like a fleeting dream, a fantasy made a little too real, something to get their hopes up that life might afford them a sense of normalcy that others would call “normal” before it was snatched away. They had a childhood where they needed to watch each other’s backs constantly if they wanted to live to see another sunrise. And that fight or flight instinct never truly went away.

As scary as the world could be, Lup was never afraid for herself. She was ready to throw hands 24/7 without a moment of fear. But Taako? She’d been terrified for him since they were practically infants. 

 

“He’s not with Magnus and Julia, he’s not with Merle, he’s not with Killian and Carey, or Sloane, or Lucretia—I’ve called him dozens of times, I cannot get ahold of him for the life of me, he’s not answering his stone of far-speech—Barry, are you sure you haven’t seen him?!”

 

“N-No, not since this morning!” Came her friend’s voice from the other end of the stone of far-speech that she currently had clutched tightly in her hand. “I saw him with you, this morning. He didn’t mention visiting someone after work, or—?”

 

“No! And he would have! He should’ve been home over an hour ago! Where could he be?!” 

 

“O-Okay, I know this is rich coming from me, but calm down…it’s gonna be okay. I’m sure he’s fine…it’s Taako! If anyone can take care of himself, it’s him. Just stay in your apartment in case he comes back; he could just be late. I’m gonna keep calling people, and if we don’t find him in…say, thirty minutes, I’ll go to the police. Deal?”

 

Lup gnawed at her lip in worry. “There’s some bad fucking people in this city, Bear, I’m not comfortable with—“

 

A knock at the door startled her. Dropping her stone of far-speech, she raced to answer it, throwing it open. A very worried-looking Magnus and Julia Burnsides met her. Her shoulders slumped.

 

“Oh, Gods, guys, you didn’t have to come all the way—“

 

“Is he still not back?” Julia asked, voice filled with concern. Lup sighed, running her fingers through her hair. 

 

“No…Barry and I have been calling everyone, and…” she groaned in frustration. “I’m getting worried. He should be back by now.” 

 

Magnus and Julia’s faces became determined in a moment, and they exchanged looks, and nodded. 

 

“Right, we’re forming a search party.” Julia declared.

 

“I’ll go get Merle. Is he home?” Magnus asked. 

 

“Uh, I think—I think so. I think he’s got his kids for the weekend.” 

 

“They can join the search party, too!” 

 

There was another knock at the door. The three immediately rushed to answer it. 

 

Johann and Avi were standing there, looking equally concerned. 

 

“We heard about Taako!” Avi exclaimed as he and his boyfriend walked in. “Is he back yet?”

 

Lup blinked. “How did you guys hear about it?”

 

“Barry called us.” Johann answered. “We’re here to form a search party.”

 

“Hey, that’s what me and Julia were thinking!” Magnus exclaimed, holding his hand up to Johann for a high five. Avi high fived him, instead. 

 

Lup smiled at the group gathered in her tiny living room, and nodded. 

 

“Okay, let me call Barry and tell him what’s going on, and then we’ll—“

 

There was another knock at the door. All five friends rushed to answer it.

 

Taako was standing there, arm hooked around a very tall, dark, handsome stranger’s. His right eye was blackened and swollen, his lip was busted, and as he flashed his sister the million gp smile she knew so well, she could see that one of his teeth was chipped.

 

“Hey, Lup, how’s it—“

 

Lup immediately reared back and punched the man standing next to Taako square in the face. 

 

“BASTARD! What did you do to him?!” she cried as Magnus grabbed her, holding her back from pouncing on the man. “Look at his face, what did you DO?!”

 

“LUP, FOR GODS’ SAKES.” Taako exclaimed, sounding more frustrated than anything. “He didn’t do this to me, he saved me from the dude that did! Why would he escort me the fuck home if he attacked me, dumbass?!” 

 

Lup was breathing heavily. “Then who the fuck DID to this to you, huh?! Where is he?!” She was already storming over to the coat rack, yanking her cloak off its hook. “I’m gonna go find the son of a bitch and put his ass in the ground, I SWEAR to—“ 

 

“LUP.” Taako’s voice stopped her in the middle of throwing her cloak on. “First of all, he got away, it doesn’t matter, let it go. Karma’s a bitch, it’ll come to him.” 

 

Lup glared. She wasn’t the type to wait for karma to take care of her problems for her. 

“Second of all, are you not gonna apologize to the guy who SAVED MY LIFE, and who you just SOCKED IN THE FACE?” 

 

Lup blinked. “Oh. Um. Hey, bud, I’m, uh—I’m sorry. I just kinda, uh…my bad.” 

 

The man she’d just punched was cupping his hands over his nose, looking a little dazed. 

 

“I-It’s fine, I…ah, why did that hurt me…?”

 

“Ladies, gentlemen, meet Kravitz. He’s a bounty hunter. He saved my life. Kravitz, meet some of my friends.” Taako gestured dramatically. Kravitz moved one hand from his nose to wave at the group.

 

“Charmed, I’m sure.”

 

“Oh my gods he’s posh…” Magnus whispered under his breath. Literally everyone in the room heard him. 

 

“Magnus, honey, cockney accents aren’t considered ‘posh’, usually.” Julia whispered back. Literally everyone in the room heard her, too. “But they are pretty charming! Nice to meet you!” 

 

Kravitz smiled at Julia; he already liked her. 

 

“Where have you been the past few hours?! Were you getting beat up on all that time?” Lup demanded, her anger and worry returned to her after a few moments of being sheepish. Her brother looked guilty.

 

“Uh…we kinda went to that new pottery place, “The Chug n Squeeze”? My treat. I was thanking him for saving me.”

 

Everyone else groaned. “And you didn’t tell me?!” Lup asked. Taako shrugged, still looking guilty. 

 

“I forgot!” 

 

“Gods dammit, Ko!” Lup threw her hands up in exasperation. “We were this close to forming a search party!” She walked towards him and Kravitz flinched. Then she threw her arms around her brother and hugged him close. Taako winced in pain, slightly, before hugging her back. “Just don’t scare us like that again, okay…?” 

 

Taako buried his face in his sister’s shoulder, ignoring the pain that spiked in his still-bloody nose. “Okay. I’m sorry.” Lup let go of him, looking him over.

 

“Do we need to go to the hospital?”

 

“Nah, nah, I’m fine…you know I hate it there. Let’s just get Merle to fix me up tomorrow.”

 

“Are you sure…?”

 

“I’m fine, Lup, I just wanna sleep.” Taako murmured. The twins’ houseguests all exchanged looks, realizing that was probably their cue to leave. 

 

“Goodnight, Taako. We’re still down to meet up tomorrow if you are, but we understand if you’re not. We’ll call you on your stone tomorrow, yeah?” Magnus said. Taako nodded sleepily at him. Avi and Johann both patted Taako on either shoulder as they left, as did Magnus and Julia, Julia pausing to give his shoulder an affirming squeeze. That left just Lup, Taako, and Kravitz. 

 

“Well, I’m glad that you’re alright and back with your sister, but I have to be on my way. It was really great meeting you, Taako.” Kravitz smiled at the elf, and Taako smiled back. “I should be getting back to—“

 

“You’re going already?” Taako asked, and there was an innocent earnestness in his voice.

 

“I’m sorry, but I really should be getting back to my boss. I’m late returning as it is…”

 

“Well…will I see you again? Because I think I’d really like it if I saw you again.”

 

Kravitz blinked in surprise, then smiled. “I-I appreciate it, Taako. I think we could most definitely make that happen. ”

 

And just like that, he was gone. Lup closed the door after him, letting out a long sigh. 

 

“I need to call Barry before he files a missing persons report.” 

 

Taako pouted. “Awwwww, Barold was gonna do that for me~?” 

 

“Oh, shaddup.” Lup rolled her eyes, smiling. “Of course he was. He was damn near ready to tear this city apart as soon as I told him I couldn’t get ahold of you.” 

 

“Awwwww.” Taako flopped down on the couch. “Ugh…bones hurty.”

 

Lup pouted at her brother. “Maybe you should take next week off…rest your hurty bones.”

 

“Oh, I shouldn’t. Sazed won’t be able to hold the fort down without me.” 

 

Lup rolled her eyes. “Well, he should really learn. You can’t just hold his hand through all of his culinary endeavors.”

 

“Ah, I don’t mind. It’s nice having someone to bestow my wisdom on!” 

 

Lup pursed her lips. “Hm. Whatevs. I’m gonna call our denim boy.”

 

“Right on, sis.” Taako sighed, closing his eyes. Lup, noticing this, flipped off the light as she walked to the next room to retrieve her stone of far-speech. Taako pulled his hat down over his face and succumbed to his fatigue. As he drifted off, all he could see in his mind’s eye was Kravitz’s face, and beneath the cover of his hat, he smiled.

 

The streets were just as dark as they had been when Kravitz had entered the building, the streetlights still flickering; the only difference was that the rain had picked up. Looking to his right, then looking to his left, Kravitz summoned his scythe and tore a hole in reality in front of him. Then he stepped in. 

 

The astral plane was as it always was, just chaotic enough to make the phrase “rest in peace” laughable. He strode into the obsidian halls of his Goddess, the Raven Queen, and knelt before her throne as he always did. 

 

“My Queen. I have returned from the world of the living.”

 

The Raven Queen was as she always was. Towering and dark and wise and regal and more gorgeous than one could put into words; she looked at her reaper with a matronly sort of authority, and gave him a soft smile.

 

“Kravitz, my son. What is that you have in your hand?” 

 

Kravitz beamed down at his new creation. “A vase!” He held it up for his queen to behold. His queen nodded in approval. 

 

“I see. It’s lovely. What became of the two liches I sent you after?”

 

Kravitz’s eyes widened, and he nearly dropped his vase, before catching himself.

 

“SHIT!” 

 

The Raven Queen, Goddess of Death, sighed the way a mother would when presented with the fact that her child had failed a test at school. “Kravitz, did you forget your mission?”

“I am so sorry, my Queen, I swear to you that it won’t happen again! There was a…” He paused. The image of Taako appeared in his mind, all gap-toothed smile and curly hair and lilting voice. Against his better judgement, he gave a ghost of a smile. “There was a distraction.”

 

“Oh?” His queen looked him up and down, confused a little by his expression, but not angry. “Well, can we see to it that you don’t get so distracted on missions, my dear reaper?”

 

Kravitz nodded earnestly. “Of course, my Queen!” 

 

The Raven Queen squinted at him, suddenly. Kravitz suddenly felt very self-conscious. 

 

“Kravitz, dear? What has happened to your brooch?”

 

“My…what?” Kravitz directed his attention to his chest, and his eyes widened. Where a glimmering ruby brooch had once been proudly fastened was now a small silver chain holding a tiny scroll. Kravitz untied the scroll from the chain, unrolling it, and beheld a contact number for a stone of far-speech; beneath the number were the cursive words: “For business, or pleasure—Taako”. Kravitz’s mouth fell open, slightly. “Oh, my Gods…he stole my favorite brooch.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Comments are always super appreciated, but don't feel pressured to leave any! I hope you enjoyed it!


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